by Marie-Pierre Py Reentry / COSA Coordinator
On August 30th, the Circles of Support and Accountability (COSA) Community lost one of its beloved volunteers – Tom Ely. Tom was a great many things (see his obituary here). To me, he was someone I took great pleasure in seeing every week and a devoted COSA volunteer who believed profoundly in the transformational and healing power of community relationships for community members coming home from prison. Tom believed that through the relationships built in circle, core members (the community members coming home from prison who choose to participate in the COSA program) develop a positive sense of their own worth, value, and dignity and are restored to wholeness and belonging within the community.
Tom, who was Episcopal Bishop of Vermont for nineteen years, was a passionate believer in restorative alternatives to the criminal legal system. “For me,” he said, “restorative justice fits squarely within the scope of my religious beliefs, especially honoring the dignity of every human being and the power of repentance, forgiveness, and restoration to wholeness within the community. COSA is an incarnational way of living out those beliefs/values and making a difference in the life of the core member, and also in the lives of the volunteers.”
In addition to bringing his big compassion, his willingness to engage in difficult conversations, and his unflagging belief in the dignity of every human being, Tom also brought easy laughter and a sense of play. It was a total joy to discover his competitive side during a game of Scattergories. Tom’s eulogist, Br. Curtis Almquist, described Tom as “fully alive.” This rang true for me. And I saw how bringing his full self to our circles broadened the scope of our relationships and made space for every member of the circle to bring more of themselves.
Tom saw the mutual support of all members of a circle as part of the strength of COSA. Katie Allaway, a fellow COSA Volunteer, reflected on Tom’s commitment to the circle as a whole. “Over the last 5 years, I sat weekly with Tom in circle. He was a constant source of love, acceptance, and presence. It was astounding to see the way he supported core members with truly radical, limitless belonging. And as my own life wended through shifts, and as I grieved the person I was, and accepted the person I’m growing into, Tom was there, reflecting back to me the hope of all that I could aspire to be in this wildly beautiful world.”
Tom participated in COSA throughout his illness and up to the time of his death. The core member he was circling with when he passed had this to say in remembrance of Tom: “Tom was a father-figure for me when I needed one most. He redefined for me what it means to be a man and a father.”
He will be deeply missed.
